literature

Agent of Chaos: Joker, part 5

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                                                 Part 5</u>       


          When I’m angry, I go to the gym. Physical labor always makes me feel better. I have no idea why. But it does. So, naturally, I spent a good three hours there after my disaster session with Daniel Pax and the Joker.
          My blonde hair pulled into a tight ponytail, I ran at least two miles on the indoor track, then headed to the gymnastics area. I’ve always been good at it. When I was little, I was an elite gymnast, the girl who had every blue ribbon plastered to her wall, quickly followed by champion’s trophies. But, like most mothers, mine pushed me extremely hard to be the best. So, like most kids with overly enthusiastic parents, I got burned out on it. But I held my talent in acrobatics over the years, and I like to return to it every now and then. Just to make sure I still got it.
          And what better a time to do so than when I desperately needed a distraction. So, as I walked over to the mats and chalked my hands, I tried very hard not to think of the Joker. It didn’t work. I leapt up and grabbed one of the bars, and began spinning wildly. Yep, I still got it. Several people stopped to watch as I disengaged my hold on the upper bar, did a complete 360, and grabbed the lower bar, to then gracefully spin around once and land, on my feet, on the mat below.
          Several people raised their eyebrows in astonishment, then went on their way. I sighed, not feeling any better. Daniel knew it was a touchy subject. He saw Joker’s reaction to the first few questions and just kept going. I should have protested. I should have stopped him. He’s my patient; I control what goes on in that cell. How could I have let it happen? Either one of them could have been seriously hurt. Most likely Daniel. And now, thanks to my ignorance, Joker was sedated heavily, and most likely chained up again. And it was all my fault.
          My self-doubt and pity continued through the night, and when I finally got home and took a burning hot shower, it was near midnight. I slipped into my large, queen-sized bed, and sighed. I made promises to myself to never let anything of the sort happen again. But promises to me meant nothing. Someone else needed to hear them too.
          The following day wasn’t a scheduled session with the Joker, but I had to go in, had to see him. I felt responsible for what happened. I needed to make things right. The guards at the doors hadn’t been expecting me, but since they knew me so well, they let me enter with hardly any discussion; a fact that I would subconsciously store in my head for a later date.
          When I got into his cell, I was surprised to see that the Joker wasn’t restrained. I was sure, after he attacked Pax, that Gordon would send the order for them to resume doing so. Maybe Gordon was more forgiving than I thought he was.
          The Joker was as he’d been the other day; sitting against the back wall, head turned toward the ceiling, eyes closed. His hands were clamped in his lap again, but something was different. I couldn’t place it though.
          Instead of taking my usual place on the chair that I usually dragged in front of him, I dropped my clipboard onto the ground, and went to him. I slammed my back against the wall, and slowly slid down it to rest beside him. Like a friend.
          “I’m sorry,” I said. It sounded hollow, but I tried to give as much sincerity as possible.
          He didn’t answer, didn’t even look at me.
          “J, I am so, so sorry,” I said, not realizing my nickname for him.
          He giggled once, like a snort, then returned to silence.
          I sighed, worried that I had broken all the headway I’d made within the past month. So, I picked up my clipboard and started doodling. After all, this wasn’t a scheduled session, so I didn’t have to do anything. I drew a clown, like a circus clown; red nose, fro-ish hair, striped tights, and big shoes. It was bad, but that’s why I’m a psychiatrist and not an artist.
          Finally, after a few minutes of silence, the Joker reached over and took my clipboard and pencil from me, and got to work on my drawing. When he handed it back, I split my sides laughing.
          The clown was now holding a shotgun in one hand, and a grenade in the other. He had a smoking cigarette dangling in his lips, a box of ammunition had been sketched into his pocket, and beside his head was scribbled ‘HA.’
          I don’t know how long I laughed, but my cheeks and sides hurt when I finally stopped. He had laughed a little, but nothing like me. It had stopped being about the clown about halfway through, and then it was just my hysteria over the previous session giving me some kind of giggle-fit. I guess it was a good way to relieve stress. No wonder this guy did it so much. He struck me as a guy with a lot to worry about.
          A few sessions later, we were back on track. Again, he wasn’t telling me important things: the scars, his parents, his past in general, but he was at least talking to me again. I had definitely decided to keep our sessions just between the two of us. No one would understand him like I did. I knew what to talk about, and what to avoid. If you wanted to get punched in the face, talk about the Batman. So, I just stayed away from those types of things.
          Everyone else saw a monster; a mass murdering psychopath with a death wish. Somehow, I had been grafted into a different conclusion. I saw a man. Yeah, there were some things wrong with him, but doesn’t everyone? Someone did something to him; something terrible, and it permanently scarred him, physically and mentally. And I wanted nothing more than to help him. Break through that shell and see what was going on in his head. Little did I know that the day I broke him would be the day he broke me.
Part 5. Sorry it's so short, but 6 is better and looong. So i know now how long it's going to be. There are going to be 8 parts, and i have up through 7 written. So, I'll be posting them consecutively the next few days :-]
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poisonapple1982's avatar
More...more.....MORE!!! I read all 5 in one night! I need MORE! Lol! Great work. Can't wait for the rest!